There are times I feel terrible,
For the tears that roll down every time I feel anger, sadness or joy,
I know I feel guilty for feeling emotions,
sometimes so strong, so big, so immense
they could shake everything in its way
And no matter what I feel,
I HOPE my boys, they ReMEMBeR
Their mother, the woman, the girl
Exactly how she was – flawed and all.
I HOPE They ReMEMBeR me
for wanting my way,
for having it, for fighting for it
For not backing off, for staying put,
for shouting back, for holding still
For apologising only when ready,
only when I wanted to and when I felt it.
I want them to hold in their mind… the times I walked away,
from conversations, people and situations.
Those that I chose were not worth my time, my energy, my emotions,
I hope they remember the relationships I fought for, ran from, stuck through, left incomplete!
I HOPE They ReMEMBeR me for the meals I never cooked, just as much as for the warmth of my cakes, the times I said I don’t want to,
the NOs I said, the times I disagreed,
The times I screamed and yelled and said enough, even to them,
because I couldn’t, wouldn’t, or just didn’t want to, I was not just a mother or a woman; I WAS ME!
I hope he remembers those times
And knows that it is a part of who I was,
who SHE is
Who we are as people…
And he remembers that SHE TOO WILL
Cos she CAN – The girl you are raising,
his friends and colleagues,
his girlfriends, his wife.
And when she screams, or fights back,
She tears up alongside her big emotions
Or walks away, puts him in his place,
it won’t surprise him,
Anger him, or shock him!
He will not feel jolted or slighted,
Cos he remembers SHE CAN, just as I DID!
So don’t raise her, your daughter, to calm down,
Hold it in,
You don’t need to tell her to watch her legs, her clothes,
the time, the place,
Cos I am raising my boys to remember,
To know, to understand
To treat her like an equal
to respect every bit of dazzle she throws their way.
Cos SHE CAN and like me, SHE WILL.