Break through that Glass Ceiling

How does one figure it is time to let go of a relationship or the person you are with? How do you understand or acknowledge that this relationship is not meant to be?

At a certain level it is easy to take a decision if there is a certain amount of physical and sexual abuse. That might be the most horrible thing I may have thought or written, but just imagine, sometimes that is what it takes to get out. The knowledge that if you don’t leave now, there may be no tomorrow left to figure things out.

For me, it was my child. I simply realised that I did not want my son to grow up into the person I was living with. Fast forward twenty years, and I have allowed my son to put another girl in my position. Why, because I didn’t say NO today. I refused to show him it was not okay to treat another human being with disrespect. By continuing in that relationship, I was telling my son that it was okay to not take responsibility for one’s life, to play the victim and to not take charge. I was teaching my niece it is okay to be rejected, harassed and violated in the name of love. I was telling my son, NO was not an answer.

But really, does it have to get that bad?

I have with time given myself a simpler way, a test to any relationship.
Imagine your partner coming home later in the evening.
Or what is that you feel as you drive home from work?
Despite the ton load of work waiting for you, is there a teeny weeny part of you that feels excited about getting home? Is there a part of you that looks forward to your partner coming home?
Or do you feel a sense of weight as the day ends. Are the nights painfully long and the company exhausting? Do you find yourself making excuses to get away?

You have your answer!
Home is and should be your safe haven.
And if it stops feeling that way, get help.

We are told over and over again — give things time. Everything will fall into place.
And we all have that couple in our circle who started out bickering so hard, we hardly thought it was possible to be with them for ten minutes. Ten years later, voila, they seem to paint the perfect picture of marriage and togetherness. What if they had thrown the towel a while back?
Should they have?

Sometimes it is important to work out differences.
Miscommunication, rejection, loneliness and feeling that the burden of the relationship is tipping the scales — these are all common issues in a relationship. Sometimes, it is real. Sometimes just us focussing on the smudges.

It is possible to work through any number of issues if the larger picture for the two of you is the two of you together. The key part being the TWO OF YOU.

Just yesterday, hubby and I decided to have a shouting match. We don’t need to do it often since we both are quick to accept our bloopers. But yesterday we were both right. We were both wrong. And we screamed our guts off. But ten minutes of silence and brooding, we were able to see how childish it was, how unreasonable we were being.
The larger picture, which was for the moment, the finals of the world cup, 2018 and how it would be etched in our memory, helped me apologise. But my husband didn’t behave like a high handed jerk either. He simply told me he was feeling upset. And he was sorry too.

The moment it is one person struggling to make it work, to sail through, the weight gets too much to bear.

It is important to see relationships through but also be prepared to let go.

And the only way to do that is to be honest with yourself.

Acknowledge that things are not as rosy as you make them seem.
Don’t make your partner or your kids become the be all, end all.
Accept that something needs to give.
Own your mistakes but don’t make excuses for others.
Find things you love and enjoy.
Reach out to people who can advise, guide and hold you through difficult phases.
Choose the right people to surround you.
Stop trying to make it bigger than it is.
Stop pretending it doesn’t matter.
Seek and take the help you need.
Keep your friends around.
You are not a Superhero, you don’t need to act like one.

Stepping out of an abusive or unhappy marriage is hard, not impossible.

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