I often wonder if the world would be a different place to live in, if people would just open up, reach out and tear down the walls they create.
Walls which we build around ourselves; sometimes to protect and sometimes to conceal.
Walls which keep the world from knowing how much we care, how affected we are, how judged we feel.
How do we reveal our sensitivities?
How do we stop from lashing out?
By pretending, by locking ourselves out and stacking up those bricks around us.
How many relationships have fallen through because people can’t seem to find the right words to define what they feel, or how they were made to feel.
How many conversations happen in homes across the world that start out with small nothings and then turn into shouting matches, personal attacks, angry words, tears and slammed doors.
Do people really intend to lash out, yell and be so hurtful.
Ofcourse not…
It’s the frustration of the burden they carry within themselves that spills over and through the cracks of those walls.
And instead of talking about the pain we feel about the father who has been extremely critical, the mother who refuses to understand, the teacher who judged us so harshly, the brother who didn’t care to speak up, or the friend who didn’t reach out, we end up yelling and screaming about things that we actually care two hoots about.
We spend our lives afraid — afraid to tell people what we really feel and want from them or too afraid to confront people. We’d rather bury our heads in the sand.
And instead of opening up, we live grudgingly, irritated with the world, building loneliness, failing to trust. Seemingly cold, as we fight the inner angst and turmoil managing to tiptoe around the things that really make us cringe.
We spend our days wondering what would happen if we spoke up.
Wonder how the conversation may sound;
daydream about situations where we would actually open up,
What we would say, how they would respond…
Reimagining versions to fit a different response.
“Dad, you should have listened to me when I wanted to take a break to prepare for entrances.”
“Mom, I needed you to fight for what I wanted.”
And then we go back to building distances and walls.
We let a deep loneliness settle in, because we are not ready to let go of the voice that tells us to not open up. ‘They won’t understand. They don’t get you…they never will!’ ‘They don’t care. Why should they?’
Instead of choosing to let go of our defences, we waste years of our lives yearning for clarity and understanding, for love and reciprocation. Years wasted on a sense of rejection while sometimes the people we love can’t even figure how they have wronged us, or why you seem so angry.
Oh, the heartbreak that these distances create!
I often wonder if the world would be a different place to live in, if people would just open up, reach out and tear down the walls they create.
