The one thing I have learnt about motherhood that I can share with a guarantee is that Every Parent WILL Screw Up.
And so will every CHILD.
No matter how much research we do or how hard we try,
WE WILL F*&# IT UP.
Tell me, which of us parents, can promise that our kid will not lie, cuss or curse?
Which of us knows that theirs will not throw a punch or a kick?
Snatch a toy or a book?
Stay out late, try a joint, get drunk, do things that they should not be doing…
I would rather guarantee that mine will say the most inappropriate thing at the most inappropriate time to the most inappropriate person?
Parenting is unfortunately unlike any other science. We will never know ahead of time what to expect. What we may receive could be unexpected silence, a massive explosion or results you and I cannot fathom.
Yet we all TRY. We keep giving ours healthy and unhealthy doses of gyaan, never ending lists of to-dos-and-donts, threats and triggers in the hope that things will go our way.
Even when we give assurances about our kids, we do so knowing that we could be absolutely and wildly incorrect.
Unfortunately as I said, WE MAY NOT GET OUR WAY. Be it with the toddler I raise, The teen in your home or the 60 year son who refuses to care for an aging parent.
The child could be mine this time. Yours tomorrow or even ten years from now.
It will happen someday!
So when a child surprises us with the unexpected, instead of blaming a parent and their parenting, the least we can give each other is empathy.
‘Non-judgmental, Non-condescending, Non-Holier than thou’ looks and feels that help them rather that chide, question and insult.
Just yesterday, I received a video in a common forum. One that showed teens sitting together in a basement, talking, smoking, doing all the things teens should not be doing, yet not surprising.
What was however, was the shaming that went with it. Other parents talking about kids and their parents as though theirs would never ever be found in a compromising situation.
Like we had never been at the wrong place at the wrong time. And as though our lives were bereft of mistakes, and not to forget, opportunities that people gave us to fix, correct and redo!
Our kids will make mistakes.
Our children will make massive blunders.
They will hurt us, let us down – JUST AS WE DID MORE THAN ONCE.
We will be also be torn emotionally to protect yet correct!
We may make the right choice or the absolutely hurtful ones – JUST LIKE OUR PARENTS DID.
Those moments will define the relationship we will share with our children in the future & possibly how they will parent too.
But as parents and children, would we not have appreciated a kind word from the someone around assuring us that all would be well.
You and I can be that kind lady, who once said to me, It is Okay. Give them a chance and they will learn.
And maybe they will, maybe they don’t.
Of the millions of sperms, only 500 get a chance to reach an egg, and only a handful have a chance to fertilize. That is the odds they beat to become the baby, you or I had.
May they will beat some odds once again, if you and I give them the chance.
Cos that’s parenting, right?
A road filled with screw ups and beautiful memories!